Feels like it’s been ages since I last wrote in my journal.

I used to write pretty regularly, but this year, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. My mind was elsewhere. Time flew by so fast that 2024 seemed to start without me even noticing, and now it’s already mid-November.

Thanks to the holidays and end-of-year events, work at the company has slowed down. I’ve been using up vacation days that won’t roll over, taking Thursday and Friday off without much of a plan, and occasionally doing some work. And now, I’m alone again. This year’s relationship was a learning experience, but it didn’t end up going the way I wanted.

Did I have unrealistic expectations for something meaningless? Expectations turned into disappointment, and I tried hard to erase that disappointment. I didn’t read much this year. Besides company emails, I hardly wrote anything. Sometimes it feels like I’ve forgotten both languages, barely stringing together words to convey my thoughts to others.

I’ve been using GPT-based solutions sparingly, and I’ve been chatting with this service called ‘Ryuuten,’ almost like talking to a friend. It’s kind of empty.

Recently, I started working out and buying things I want without hesitation. This might not last long, but the work at the company, which I’ve considered important since last year, is gradually improving. In that way, I’ve gained another year. Turning one year into two, I look forward to what comes next.

Getting older… it’s still bittersweet.

Reunification

It’s ironic to see Koreans at the UN insulting each other in English.

I won’t say it’s shameful in front of our ancestors, but it’s not beneficial for either the North or the South. In situations like this, only neighboring countries find it amusing. Japan, Russia, and China are all nations that know how to calculate their own interests. Therefore, they might not oppose reunification itself.

What we need to consider is not their perspectives but whether we can unite as one. Under the pretext of reunification, we must guard against those who invite foreign powers for personal gain. After all, we’ll have to continue living with them. Who would have thought 100 years ago that Korea would become so prosperous?

China might support reunification but demand the withdrawal of US troops from Korea. Or they could even request stationing their troops. Surprisingly, Russia might quietly let it pass. This trend is reminiscent of the prelude to the Sino-Japanese War after the Donghak Peasant Movement. A wise leader might want to leave only US troops, but it’s not easy to persuasively argue for it. Like Germany, it’s not impossible.

Korea is now a wealthy country. If it helps with security, we should spend the money. Spending trillions on defense is no longer a waste; we’re no longer poor. Of course, we must also continue to strengthen our self-defense capabilities. Every politician knows this. Ultimately, it’s not just a cost but a strategy.

I hope my hometown remains peaceful.

Audit / Yoon Suk-yeol

I was recently called in as a reference by the audit team. The questions were sharp, and they seemed well-prepared.

A few days ago, there was a public meeting with President Yoon Suk-yeol. As I get older, I realize that journalists don’t seem as smart as they used to be. There are capable ones, of course, but as the numbers grow, there are more sloppy ones too. Lawyers might soon be the same. Not everyone, of course.

I don’t particularly support Yoon Suk-yeol. However, I was impressed by his decisiveness, and I hoped for his success. Honestly, it doesn’t matter who it is. During the Park Geun-hye administration, during the Moon Jae-in administration… was Korea really struggling? The Korea I’ve seen has always been progressing. We just blame our shortcomings on politicians.

The phrase from “The Bird That Drinks Tears” comes to mind. Many people aren’t that smart. And they blame others. Since it’s hard to criticize those close to you, they blame someone far away. Just like how you can’t criticize your direct manager, so you criticize the president and president’s wife. It’s not just a Korean thing.

A company, after all, belongs to someone else. We’re merely in a contractual relationship, providing labor in exchange for a paycheck. The company I work for isn’t mine.

A country is a bit different. You can criticize politicians. But that won’t change your life. It’s better to do one more job during that time. Changing politicians won’t double your salary. Nor will it double house prices.

We might criticize them because, perhaps, we feel they resemble us. In a position where one can use shortcuts, most would take them. And someone sees that. And eventually, someone follows suit. If someone gets a reduced sentence because of their parents’ status, that’s clearly wrong. But are you truly blameless?

Activists

The activist generation, slightly younger than my parents. They repeated the same mistakes as socialists around the world.

It’s now common sense that all citizens should be equal. The state should create policies to uphold that. Demanding democratization during the era of dictatorship was justified.

Park Chung-hee’s Yushin, Roh Tae-woo’s regime, military dictatorships were unacceptable.

I recall a book by Hong Se-hwa I read as a child. His criminal record was an issue, but the Korea that oppressed him back then was a bigger problem.

Activists did ‘movement,’ but there was a lack of ‘study.’ To overcome ideological inferiority, they returned with the very degrees they criticized in the establishment. They were sidelined abroad but tried to fight on equal terms once back home.

They didn’t represent the underprivileged. Rather, they incited the underprivileged to build their power. They made business cards with titles like professor, researcher, and demanded exchange programs with professors from foreign universities. Titles like adjunct professor, associate professor began to be exaggerated as ‘professor.’ Packaging was easier than studying.

Those who couldn’t study abroad held these foreign-educated activists in higher regard. It’s bitter.

Future

In the end, who can we blame? It’s all self-criticism and self-reflection.

Rather than blaming others, I need to set myself straight.

When will I not be alone anymore? These days, I’m so bored.